Week 1: Flash 6, Earthquake 2

Ok, so you are not supposed to keep the score in Upward sports, but I am proud of our team. After two brief practices the kiddos gave it their all and scored a 6-2 victory. I really thought that there would be one huge clump of kids and a cloud of dust and not much scoring. I guess by playing 4 on 4 at this age it limits the traffic jams.

Elle started in goal this game. She pitched a shutout. Well, actually there were not any shots on goal during her 6 minutes. Thankfully Elle wasn't matched with Isabella and Sophie Grace. If so, they would have either been skipping around holding hands or picking daisies in the grass. They did get together at the end of the game to shake hands with the other team. Way to go Elle. Daddy is very proud of you!

Am I Cut Out For This?

A couple of things you need to know first. Every time we pass the doc-in-the-box at the corner of Warsaw and Holcombe Bridge roads my daughter Elle asks me about the time I filmed a commercial there as a little boy. I have no idea how I got to do it...maybe a family friend from Dunwoody that was a nurse there. Basically, I sat on a bed and acted like my arm was broken while a Doctor was tending to me. Elle is obsessed with filming her own commercial with a fake broken leg now. So I really didn't have a broken arm, but I did break my wrist in 9th grade. I don't think I have ever told Elle that.

Fast forward to Thursday night's soccer practice. Myself and Coach Jeff are coaching ("sports ministering") a co-ed 4 and 5 year old team. This is Upward soccer. Not sure how things have been in the past, but it is a bit more about the church than it is the sport. That became rather clear when I received a postcard in the mail that said "Upward Soccer Sport Minister( formerly Coach) training is Saturday..."

Every Thursday we practice for one hour with an 8 minute water break/scripture in the middle. Each week, the kids are responsible for learning a short verse. If they are able to recite it, they earn a green Upward sticker to put on their poster. This week was scripture #1. The team sat indian-style on the ground while Coach Jeff asked the team if they studied the scripture. Elle was the only kid to recite it (pictured) verbatim. I was very proud of her as she bowed her head and spoke softly.

Coach Jeff went on to talk about the healing power of Jesus and asked the team if anyone had ever broken a bone. Oddly enough Elle and I were the only ones. Elle spoke up first. "I broke my little toe." Coach Jeff said "Coach Jason did you break a bone?" "Yes," I replied. "What did you do about it?", he asked. "I first went to the doctor (feeling the pressure) and then prayed to God to make it better." Coach Jeff started talking about Jesus' healing powers when I looked down at Elle who was muttering something. I squatted down next to her just in time to hear her say "He was acting." So there I was in front of the team being called out by my daughter, who, in her defense never knew I actually did break a bone. I almost peed down my left leg from laughter!!! Kids are absolutely hilarious!

I Am No Michael Phelps, But I Have A Rockin' Friendship Bracelet

I hate Dunwoody Country Club. Actually I strongly dislike the stoner kids that taught swim lessons there when I was 3 or 4 years old. You see, if you didn't learn to put your head under water they would simply push it under for you. Net result = I never learned to swim.

Fast forward to age 12. I can remember the first time I put my head under and swam with both arms (rather than with one arm while the other pinched my nostrils closed). For you Creekers, it was at the pool on the 'old side'. I rarely went to that pool while it was open. I want to say the old side pool was open on the day that the new side pool was closed and vice versa. I am pretty damn proud that I taught myself to swim as so many people like our parents and grandparents never learned. It could have been me.

Within the next year or two I decided to join the Saddle Creek swim team...later to be known simply as the Creekers. I have no recollection as to whose idea it was to join first because, lets be honest, swim team was not 'cool'. The crazy thing was everyone in my circle of friends signed up. I never was the best swimmer. I put up a couple of decent 50 Free times (mainly when I wore a banana hammock and swim cap). For some reason I always swam IM. Backstroke was definitely my weakest stroke.

Watching the Olympics the last few nights has brought back a lot of great memories from those summers in the mid to late 80's. Like the asshole father of one of the kids on our swim team that challenged us teenagers to a race...in his speedo. Prick.

Qu'est-ce Que C'est?

I actually have been watching quite a bit of the Olympics the last few days. Swimming to be specific. I made a HUGE mistake by not watching the 4 X 100 relay late last night. In case you have been under a rock and did not hear, Jason Lezak made up a full body length on Frenchman Alain Bernard to lead the US to Olympic Gold. The commentator's call will go down in history as one of the most memorable of all time.

What is so great about it? Let's see. This was the one event that Michael Phelps was not favored in his quest for 8 Golds. Jason Lezak, a 31 year old set the world record split in leading us to Gold. Oh, did I mention that Bernard was the former record holder in the 100 and said the the French were going to "CRUSH" us?

Qu'est-ce que c'est, Alain? That would be you having to stand next to Michael Phelps while listening to the Star Spangled Banner.

Damn, I am patriotic!

Daddy's Day Out

I owe getting my start at State Farm to my good friend Chris Thomas. Chris is a State Farm agent just outside of Athens. We don't get together as often as we did before we had kids. We wanted to get our girls together prior to going to Disney next month. We met up at Chuck E Cheese today at the Mall of Ga. Funny how having kids changes things. No kids = Vegas. Kids = Disney.

My Party For '08

Never paid much attention to politics. In High School, I would describe myself as having liberal beliefs. As soon as I went off to college something changed. For years and years I have described myself as conservative. I am not so sure anymore. I married a liberal, but I wouldn't say Laura has changed my core beliefs. My favorite band of all time is one of the most outspoken far-left acts out there. Michael Stipe has never convinced me to vote for Clinton, Gore or Obama though. Maybe becoming a dad has opened my eyes. I don't know.



I hereby declare my vote for a party I have held near and dear to my heart for many a years. A party that puts a Big Mac to shame. A party that makes one hell of a hot fudge cake. A party that supports an overweight boy with a black pompadour hairdo and red checkerboard overalls. Ladies and gentleman, I introduce to you Big Boy. Big Boy for President in '08.

Whiplash The Cowboy Monkey

O.k. I have admitted my monkey, mascot, china doll, midget hangups previously. One addendum to this rule is Whiplash the Cowboy Monkey. I first heard of Whiplash when he visited Stegman Coliseum in the spring of 1994. My friend Jay and a few other friends had just returned home from the rodeo that night. Jay had an autographed picture of a 'monkey that rode around on the back of a collie'. I almost sharted from laughter when he told me how Whiplash ran around the ring like he was riding a Brahma bull. Evidently, Whiplash is named that for a reason. He is violently thrashed around on the back of the collie when he performs. The crazy thing is that little simian cowboy doesn't let go!!! Every now and then I will go online to see if he is coming to a rodeo near me. 14 years and still no luck. Whiplash please don't die before I get to see you perform.

See Whiplash in action:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IolGVHkv1vQ&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYNoQZ5djUA